Have you ever interrupted a client to offer suggestions before the client finished talking only to find that your comments were not appropriate?
Did you feel embarrassed or did you suffer from the “hoof and mouth” disease? These are the times when you know you should listen rather than talk but this can be difficult. Especially when they are expressing their needs, you need to be quiet so you hear exactly what your clients are saying. Czech musician and poet Alfred Brendel has noted that the words “silent” and “listen” are composed of the same letters in English. Think of that the next time you’re meeting with a client and focus on being silent.
Longtime talk show host Larry King has said, “I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.” We could all benefit from that philosophy, but we’re usually so busy trying to make our own points or trying to sound like we have all the answers, that we don’t really understand the questions before us.
Dr. Travis Bradberry, author of the bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and co-founder of TalentSmart, suggested using the following strategies to become an effective listener:
- Focus intently on the person talking. Block out distractions.
- Make eye contact. This is one of the basic ingredients of communicating.
- Be present in the moment. Give attention and pay attention.
- Put your phone away. Do not be tempted by emails or texts.
- Ask good questions. Probe deeply into the details.
- Repeat what the client has stated, giving the client assurance you hear what he or she is saying.
People think and speak at different rates. If you are a quick thinker and an agile talker, the burden is on you to relax your pace for slower, more thoughtful communicators or for people who have trouble expressing themselves. Nonverbal communications are extremely important, too, because people read facial expressions, body language, voice tone and demeanor.
Genuine listening has become a rare gift – the gift of time. Generally people listen at a rate of 125-250 words per minute, but think at 1,000-3,000 words per minute. No wonder we interrupt sometimes. Once we finish talking, the listener can only recall about 50 per cent of what was said.
According to Dianne Schilling in her Forbes article, “10 Steps to Effective Listening,” interrupting sends a variety of messages including:
- What I have to say is more interesting, accurate or relevant.
- I am more important than you are.
- I don’t really care what you think.
Listening can be difficult because you are thinking of strategic ways to assist your client rather than concentrating on what they are expressing.
Mark Wayshak, author, speaker and consultant, advises people to practice the 80/20 rule. This means spend 80 per cent of your time listening and only 20 per cent actually talking. “When listening, repeat some of the client’s words back to them and they will be astounded because it shows you get it. You can sell far more effectively by doing most of the listening and only a little bit of the talking.”
Sharpening your listening skills will keep you out of the “dog house” with your treasured clients…and it can help with your personal relations, too! Take note that there are times to be silent and there are times to speak up, asking those important questions. To know the difference is to show wisdom.
Betty Garrett has spent more than three decades in the training, travel and hospitality industries. Her company, Garrett Speakers International, is based in Irving, Texas. Reach Garrett at betty@garrettspeakers.com. Check out our website at www.garrettspeakers.com.
